Top 20 Guys Without A Chance

Accounting for the winners, and mostly losers I've dated in the past, my closest girlfriends helped compile a list of deal breakers we've made into standards of dating . Most guys who portrayed one or more of these characteristics either didn't make it past the first date, or if he did, he isn't worth telling a story about. Here is a list of guys who do not stand a chance with us, ever, in this lifetime, again.

TOP 20 TYPES OF GUYS WHO HAVE A BETTER CHANCE WITH MARY CAREY 

1. The ones who send pictures of themselves without a shirt on...or pants for that matter - It turns on guys to get nudey pics, but it does just about the exact opposite for most girls. 

2. The ones who ask you on a date, but don't pay for you - Starbucks can be pricey, but even your minimum-wage job can afford to buy me a grande skinny vanilla latte. 

*my guilty pleasure*

3. The ones who wear Affliction t-shirts - Urban Dictionary even agrees with me.

4. The ones who collect suggested porn websites written on sticky-notes from guys at work - Next time take it out of your pants pocket before laundry day, dumb ass! 

5. The ones who are attracted to the same sex - ...even if they wear sweet t-shirts from Raygun.

6. The ones who live with their parents..when they are 30 years old.

7. The ones who know how to make a license plate...meaning, they are locked up! - Thanks for my license plate. Let me spend some more tax dollars so you can watch television all day.

8. The ones who are unemployed...for no good reason.

9. The one you call "boss" at your place of employment - Hey, he has a job...but still a deal breaker!

10. The ones who listen to too much Linkin Park or Nickelback - "Cause we all just wannabe big, rock stars.." Yeah, I get it, you like crappy music. 

11. The ones who jokingly threaten to "knock the shit out of you" - Yeah, because that's a hilarious joke, you big jokester. And by jokester, I mean d*ckhole. 

12. The ones who take showers with other girls - OOOh, I get it, you were just trying to conserve water...still not okay. 

13. The ones who forget your birthday - It happens once a year, even Facebook wishes me "Happy Birthday."

*sweet tat*

14. The ones who tattoo their best friend's face on their buttcheek - Not my proudest moment. [insert shamed face]

15. The ones who always want to borrow your car.

16. The one who is a bad kisser. 

17. The one who considers himself a "cat man" - Cough, ahem, HAIRBALL, cough!

18. The one who likes any professional sports team more than you. 

19. The one who buys you a gift then steals it back for his "new" girlfriend. 

And lastly, channeling my inner-Marilyn. I am guilty of pushing many of men's buttons so to speak, in order to see how long they'll put up with me and my shenanigans. So to me, the worst deal breaker of all is "the ones with bad tempers." 

Any guy possessing any/all of these qualities most likely has a link missing from his chain. If that's the case, he has a better chance of scoring with Mary Carey at Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew (who conveniently always wears dress shirts that perfectly hug his biceps) than with my friends or me.